The writing on the stalls

“Melissa (last named removed for obvious reasons) is a slut who f***s anything with a dick” — at least according to a message written on the inside of a bathroom stall in a College Park bar.

This message is just one of many left behind by bar-goers looking to share their inner frustrations and feelings with anyone who visits the bars in College Park.

The majority of these astute glimpses into people’s lives involve professing the writer’s love for someone, acknowledging “Valerie is Sexay” or sharing little tidbits that must have seemed interesting at the time.

Messages are scrawled in both Cornerstone Grill and Loft and R.J. Bentley’s bathroom stall walls — moreso in the women’s restrooms than in the men’s — but Thirsty Turtle’s stalls were writing-free.  Many messages contain scribbled hearts and often responses were left for the original author. One post that said, “It’s my 21st birthday. 11-7-08,” received comments such as “so what?” and “who cares?”

Permanent markers, a must-have for any bathroom-stall author, seem to be the writing tool of choice. One person simply wrote “Tweedle dee, tweedle dum,” in permanent marker, while another patron left a meant-to-be permanent message next to the toilet paper dispenser simply noting the “stinky bathrooms.”

But hidden within all the senseless ramblings are inspiring life lessons. The middle stall in the women’s room at Bentley’s has life rules that include “help another and you help yourself” and a lesson on the importance of being positive.

Junior English major Sarah Zerofsky, a server at Bentley’s, appreciated the rules of life, noting that even though she thinks the rules stupid, she also finds them funny.

While Bentley’s has accepted the writing as simply one more inevitable occurrence in the College Park bar scene, Cornerstone tries to combat the writing on the stalls by cleaning it off every couple of months.

But every weekend, the writing on the stall walls continues to increase.

Usually it’s the crowds on the weekends and in Greek life who write on the walls, said senior English major Whitney, a bartender at Cornerstone who declined to give her last name. “They put their letters and initials with ‘love each other forever’ and their class. I don’t get it.”

But while Whitney doesn’t understand students’ desires to share their thoughts with the same wall as a toilet paper dispenser, she thought one message was creative because of its reference to a theme in the show Summer Heights High.

“A guy drew a dick then wrote ‘-tation’ after it,” she said. “I don’t think they’re funny otherwise, I think they’re stupid.”

Not everyone was as opposed to the nonsensical messages though.

“Sometimes they catch my eye,” said Angela McMellen, a USDA employee dining at Cornerstone. “In general, though, I block them out.”

Whether you find the messages petty and immature or hilarious, there is one thing these toilet paper poets got right: There is no more captive an audience than the intoxicated bathroom-goer.

jborowski@umdbk.com