Column: Love the one you’re with

I touch myself. Do you feel uncomfortable yet? And we think talking about the birds and the bees is awkward?

It’s funny that we’ve been learning about sex since the fourth or fifth grade but were probably never taught much, or anything at all, about masturbation.

Have you even had a conversation about it before? Does thinking about it in a social setting cause you to blush, hang your head and search for the beverage table?

I couldn’t write an article about masturbation in good conscience without consulting some other university students. I created a six-question survey that I distributed to anyone lollygagging in their rooms in Somerset Hall one afternoon.

The 20 anonymous responses I received were entertaining but different from what I had expected.

Because masturbation is such a technical term, “jacking off,” “wanking,” “flicking the bean,” “fingering yourself,” “tickling the pickle” and “touching yourself” are used as substitutes to remind us that it’s normal.

Three things stood out. First: Girls masturbate. At least four girls in my hall masturbate more than once a week, anywhere from in the shower to in their beds to on the floor. Although sometimes perception dictates masturbation is an all-male activity, it is true that females enjoy it just as much.

Second: People masturbate for a variety of reasons. My survey results indicate that good motivations to masturbate include “because it feels good,” “because I was horny” and “to learn more about my body and what pleases me.” At first, it may seem uncomfortable to “get all up in there,” but taking some time to experiment will help you understand your body, learn about your pleasure points and become aware of what’s really going on down there.

Third: People in relationships have as much of a need to masturbate as single people. If you take the plunge or slide down the pole, you’ll be able to assist your partner with finding your sweet spots, making your sexual experience all the more satisfying. Showing comfort and confidence with your body is sexy and will boost your self-esteem, improving your success in the dating world.

No matter what your relationship status is on Facebook or even if your fantasies only come true on the Internet, don’t be afraid to talk about it.

Grab a magazine, an apple pie, your least favorite sock, a veggie, a vibrator or whatever tickles your fancy. I’ll leave the last words to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. You need no shame, only a smile (and some time alone), to “love the one you’re with.”

ga@umdbk.com